301-Is Smiling Really the Answer?

The Sages of the Mishnah, in the Ethics of the Fathers, teach us to always greet others with a happy disposition; a smile. Sounds like good advice, right? Well, not so fast.
According to research quoted in a recent NY Times article titled The Claim: A Fake Smile Can be Bad for Your Health a smile that isn’t genuine can actually worsen your mood and lead to withdrawal. The research implies that attempting to suppress negative thoughts may make those thoughts even more persistent. In fact, women are more susceptible to this condition than men, since men are probably used to hiding their true emotions (I’ll vouch for that).
Does this mean that pasting on that grin even when you don’t mean it is the wrong thing to do? Well, there are other studies that seek to prove that smiling actually does lots of great things to make us happier and healthier including increasing endorphins and serotonin, and decreasing blood pressure and chronic stress. Granted, the positive studies relate to hearty, full-faced smiles as opposed to those labored grins restricted solely to the mouth often seen on the faces of flight attendant serving beverages on a packed Continental flight bound for Tel Aviv. It’s scary to think what real emotions are brewing behind those “mile high” smiles. I certainly don’t want to be the one to find out.

Putting all the health stuff aside for a moment, there might be an even bigger issue beneath the smiling surface: honesty. The word (unfortunately) means different things to different people, but according to the dictionary (albeit the online version), honest means “Truthfulness, sincerity, or frankness. Freedom from deceit or fraud.” Not looking so promising for those fake smilers among you. Well, there’s still hope, depending on the smile scenario.

Let’s say you’re walking down the street, minding your own business, when you spot an acquaintance coming your way. Luckily, you both are clearly in a hurry, so there’s no threat of a stop and chat. You’ve got a lot on your mind, none of which is triggering happy face feelings within you, so you really have no reason to smile. On the other hand, you do want to be polite and friendly to someone you have absolutely no gripe with and who probably is in the exact predicament that you are in. So you look up and flash a quick smile. He does the same, and you both move on with your lives. Did you act dishonestly? No. You didn’t NOT want to smile at that particular person. Under less stressful circumstances you probably would have done so happily. It wasn’t really a fake smile, it was a forced smile. You didn’t NOT want to smile, you just weren’t smiling. The act was forced, but the intention behind the smile wasn’t false. The recipient of the smile didn’t read anything into your smile, he just accepted for what it was: a friendly gesture from a fellow stressed out traveler. This is probably the type of the scenario the Sages of the Mishnah were referring to.

Now let’s examine another scenario. You’re an attractive, single woman standing alone at a party. A guy who you have absolutely zero interest in walks over with a big stupid grin splashed across his face, clearly interested in sweeping you off your feet, and introduces himself. What you probably should do is be polite, but be clear that you aren’t interested in running off to an Elvis wedding chapel in Vegas with him. Instead, you flash him a glowing, inviting, cheek to cheek, teeth sparkling, smile. Hey, you’re just trying to be polite. Well, you can’t begin to imagine what your polite little smile has done to this guy. It has ignited his rockets, launched him into the stars, and propelled him to a place from where his crash landing will be brutally quick and painful. That is a dishonest, insincere, deceitful, and fraudulent smile. In conveys a fraudulent message that causes the recipient to create an impression of you and your feeling that are false.

So what should you do – to smile or not to smile, that is the question? You should do both. When you are in a neutral situation where you have no negative reason why not to smile, then smile. It will make you and the recipient feel good, with no strings attached. When you have clear feelings telling you not to smile, either because of how you feel towards the recipient or because of how he will interpret your gesture, then don’t. Be polite, but don’t flash those pearly whites.

Most of the time, you’ll be in situations where you’ll be totally in your right to smile, so don’t waste all those incredible opportunities. See the good in people and in your life, and smile, smile, smile.

What are thoughts on smiling? Have you been in situations where a smile has gotten you into trouble or has saved you from an unpleasant outcome? Now’s a great time to share.