301 – Don’t Let Insignificant Things Ruin Your Relationship

Have you ever watched a TV commercial for a new pharmaceutical drug? First they tell you the great things it can do and then they read you an extremely long list of possible side effects and warnings. This new drug will help lower your blood pressure, but it might also cause cancer, increase the risk of heart attack, and cause impotence and premature hair loss. Hmm…I better think about this before using. Maybe I’ll take my chances with the blood pressure!

Couples in relationships sometimes focus too much on the potential negatives of their relationship while ignoring the actual positives. I’m not telling anyone to ignore negative things. But don’t focus on potential negatives that might never actually materialize.

People are going into relationships looking for any and every possible thing that might go wrong at some point in the future. Things are fine now, but what about in five years when we’re married with kids?

In certain cases looking into the future to anticipate problems is warranted, particularly when relating to character traits. If you notice that your partner has anger issues, you probably need to address that now because even though it might not seem bad at the moment, it could get a lot worse in the future. Same is true with someone who you believe is insensitive, cruel or unkind. These are important character traits that WILL effect you, so you need to address them asap.

But then there’s the stuff that is either insignificant to a healthy relationship or that you just have no idea of forecasting how it will play out in the future. Superficial things such as weight, fashion taste, social habits, job and specific standard of living can all change with time. In many cases they do, for better or worse. But they don’t have to effect the quality of a healthy relationship, unless you went into the relationship primarily because of that superficial thing.

Sometimes couples spend too much time focusing on these superficial things at the expense of the important qualities that can, in fact, make or break a relationship long term. Getting it straight and focusing on the right stuff is probably the hardest part of creating a successful relationship.

I’ve given you some very broad and basic guidelines, but the only way to really know if you’re focusing on something important or insignificant is to do some deep and serious introspection and then review your conclusions with an adviser you trust.

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