If She Wasn’t Interested Then, Why Is She Interested Now?

Dear Arnie,

I was dating a girl this summer for a month and then suddently she told me that she wanted to stay friends only as she wanted to concentrate on finishing university. I was told by her friend that our ages difference was “stressing her” a bit ( I’m 33, she 25). Over the last month or so she started showing interest again. She wants to spend time with me, she texts me, calls me, etc. Even her friends are saying she likes me! I asked her friends, why after all she said, like that she didn’t wanted to get married, and the age difference, is she now suddenly interested again ? They say that she probably changed her mind … My question .. how can I make sure that the fact she is texting me more and more, wants to spent time with me, call me, etc.. is for serious reasons and not just to hang out or mess around. Should I asked her directly the question ? I just don’t want to “waste” any time, as my goal is to get married this year.

Thanks in advance,
A Serious Guy

Here’s a true story. Quite a few years ago, in what seems like another lifetime, I met a woman who I fell head over heels over. We dated a few times and things seemed great. Then she had to complete some graduate course work in a university over 1000 miles away. She’d be there for three months. We agreed to keep in touch and that I would come out to visit midterm. After a few weeks away she got too busy to talk. Then she told me to cancel my trip. The timing wasn’t right for her. I was crushed.

When she returned she let me know that she wasn’t interested and that she was dating someone else. That hurt! I licked my wounds and moved on (which wasn’t easy). About six months later we ran into each other. She was all friendly. I was annoyed. Then she called me and started making smalltalk. I couldn’t take it. I asked her straight out why she was calling me now. She told me that when we first dated she could tell that I was someone who she could really get serious with, but at the time she just wasn’t ready to be serious. Now she was ready, so she was calling to date me again. That made sense to me. We dated and it turned out that she was very serious. Unfortunately it ended badly because, at the end of the day, I wasn’t ready.

Have you learned anything from my story? Timing is everything. A few months ago your girlfriend decided that she couldn’t date you anymore, for reasons that you might never really understand (maybe it was age, maybe not. Who cares?). Now she is ready, and she’s telling you that in every possible way she can short of actually saying the words. But if you want to be sure, just ask her. Stop asking her friends and losing sleep while you endlessly analyze possible scenarios. Have a serious talk with her. Tell her exactly how you feel: that you really like her and want to pursue a serious relationship with her. Is that what she wants? If she says yes, then I think you are well on your way to engagement in a few months (if that’s what you want). It sounds like she’s already made her decision. Be a man, let her know how you feel, and enjoy the happiness that I believe is sure to follow.

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