Get Your Story Straight, and Stick to It

In my last post I promised to discuss profile photos, and I will keep that promise, but it’ll have to wait another week. There’s a step in the soulmate searching process that comes before profiles and is vitally more important. If you’re trying to meet your soulmate through the good offices of an intermediary, such as a matchmaker (jretro.com!), relative, friend, or local grocery store owner, barber, flight attendant (you get the idea), you must make sure they know exactly what you’re searching for in a soulmate. If you don’t make that clear to them, they will simply use their best judgment in choosing your potential partner, which usually doesn’t work to your advantage.
In order to give them the proper direction, you need to know what you’re looking for. It sounds obvious. Of course you know what your looking for, but do you really? Everyone says they’re looking for someone attractive, nice, and goodhearted, but is that really all it takes? If that were true, I wouldn’t need to continue writing this blog because there would be no singles left to read it. If all that you’re looking for is attractive, nice, and goodhearted you should have no problem finding a partner…no excuses. I guess it’s not so clear cut after all, is it? What exactly do you consider attractive? For most (almost all) men and many women, the answer to this question is vital, and any deviance from that answer is literally a deal breaker. Ladies, is nice and goodhearted enough, or is having a career and making a decent living important too? I can go on for another few pages, but I think you get my drift. The generic, nonspecific, description most singles give their soulmate searching agents is inaccurate, and in many cases misleading or plain out false.

In order to get introduced to, or attract, your true soulmate, you need to be clear about what exactly you need, or want, and you need to be as specific as possible. While you’re formulating your list, you should spend some quality time reevaluating every item on that list to make sure that it is realistic and truly a requirement. For example, if you’re the guy who usually gets casted as the hunchback of Notre Dame (no costume or makeup necessary), you might not want to hold out for a Sports Illustrated swimsuit model. Same goes for you, ladies. Enough said.

After you’ve evaluated and reevaluated your list, and feel comfortable with your decisions, you need to convey the details of that list to anyone you are hoping will act as your agent. Be specific. That means if there are specific physical or personality qualities that are deal breakers for you, you must be clear about what they are. Be honest, and don’t be embarrassed. It’ll save you, and a lot of other people, a lot of time, frustration, and disappointment. Your agents can only help you find your soulmate if you provide them with the right information and feedback.

Now that you’ve got your story straight, you need to stick to it. Goodhearted, well meaning, cupids will try to convince you to date wonderful people that simply do not fit your list of criteria. If you’re sure there are dealbreakers in the cards, be really nice, sensitive, and thankful, but say no. Cupids, please respect the direction of your soulmate searchers. Give them advice, but don’t force them into doing something they know won’t work.

Best of luck on your soulmate search.

Next week…profile photos!

Keep reading jcoach.com for more dating advice and relationship advice, and please contact me if you’d like personal coaching or advice.