301 – Dating Advice: First Impressions
Your first impression of someone usually serves as the basis for how you subsequently view, think of, and interact with, them. The wonderful world of dating is no exception. That first impression you make will define you in the minds of all the potential soulmates that you meet. It will stick around to haunt you until you do something to change it. Changing that first impression is no easy task. It’s like Chris Rock or Mike Myers trying to play a serious movie role. As much as you try, it’s really hard to view them as anything but comedians.You basically have only one shot at a first impression, so you better make it count. You want that first impression to convey who you really are or, better yet, who you really want to be. You see, every time you meet someone new, you have the incredible opportunity of presenting yourself in exactly the way you would like to be seen. You get a fresh start with each new meeting. No, you cannot lie and say you are a movie producer looking to cast the lead in an upcoming blockbuster (if you’re not). Yes, you can emphasize and highlight the aspects of who you are that you are most proud of and that you feel capture the real you. If you work as a mechanical engineer, but are an aspiring novelist on the side (and in your heart), you can highlight the “novelist you”, and just give the “engineering you” a passing mention. If you meet someone at an art exhibition and speak to them about the finer things in life, they will assume that you are a cultured, lover of the arts, even if you are really a crude, messy, lover of professional wrestling. The truth will eventually come out, but that initial impression gives you the opportunity to change if you choose to.
More important than what you do or like is how you act and conduct yourself. If at an initial meeting you act like a jerk, make crude jokes and rude remarks, that is how you will be remembered and classified. If that’s who you really are, then you deserve it, but if that’s not the real you, then you’ve really messed up. People will think of you as the jerk who made crude jokes and rude remarks, because all they have to go on is that first impression. Once you’ve got that reputation, it’s really hard to shake. You need to constantly prove yourself “innocent” to simply get back to even.
It’s not only how you act, but with whom, and where, you hang out. If you’re seen with a promiscuous group, you will be assumed to be promiscuous, even if you’re not. If you never set foot in a dance club, but just once happen to go to one to wish a friend birthday greetings, people who meet you there for the first time will assume you come there often (not that there’s anything bad about dance clubs, if that’s what you like). It’s judgmental and unfair, but it’s reality, so you need to be aware and remain vigilant. Think of yourself as a brand manager. You must do everything to protect, and advance, the value and integrity of your brand. Remember what happened to Tylenol when, in the 1980’s, several people died after taking capsules that were tampered with and poisoned? Even though it was clearly an isolated incident caused by a madman, millions of capsules had to be recalled and no one would touch a Tylenol capsule for some time after. It took time, and lots of money, for the brand to recover. Don’t let your brand be ruined by an unfortunate, unplanned, and thoughtless incident.
Most daters are seeking someone who is generally happy. Life is hard enough as is. Who wants to make it tougher by being around a downer? So if you want to attract a potential soulmate, you need to make a first impression that says, I’m happy. How do you do that? If you have to ask, that’s not a great sign, but I’ll tell you anyway. Smile. Sounds simple, right? Well, lots of guys and gals don’t. They scowl, frown, and roll their eyes. They complain. They spew sarcastic quips and observations. They emit enough negative energy to light up Times Square. Who in their right mind wants to date that? If you want to attract potential soulmates, you must smile and be positive and optimistic. The positive energy you will give off will draw them in. You will be seen as happy, fun, a breath of fresh air. Who wouldn’t want to be around you?
Making a bad first impression is often too hard to change, so be alert and aware of your actions. Make that first impression a good one. It’s easy to do, and vital to your dating success.
Next time I’ll discuss making a great first impression on your online dating profile (yes, I know you have one). If you want a second opinion on yours, email it to me and I’ll read it and comment. I won’t post it in the blog unless you specifically give me permission too, and even then it would be anonymous.
Looking forward to reading some of your profiles!
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