Dating Advice: Don’t Forget to Ask and Listen

I’ve been hearing this same complaint recently from women reluctant to go on second dates with guys, so although I’ve touched on the issue previously, I feel it’s important enough to deal with again in greater length. The complaint goes something like this, “he talked about himself the entire time and didn’t even ask me anything about myself.” Sound familiar?

I honestly don’t think it’s premeditated. In fact, it usually means he’s interested. You see, when a man is interested in a woman, he transforms into hunter mode and throws himself fully into the pursuit. The hunt is on! Off he goes, charging full force, head on, with no thought to his own safety and only one very focused objective: to win over his prey…I mean date.

How does a man go about winning the heart of his love interest? By strutting his stuff, tooting his horn, brandishing his sword, displaying his trophies, showing off his manhood (no I’m not referring to a specific body part) any way he can to prove to her that he is worthy of her affection. In the “civilized” confines of a bar or restaurant, all he can do is wag his tongue and sing his own praises. In other words, brag…but in a good way.

So while this eager beaver is chewing her ear off with his accomplishments and bravado without taking a moment to ask her a questions or even let her get a word in edgewise, the innocent dear on the receiving end is thinking that he’s not interested because if he was, he’s be trying to find out more about her. WRONG! HE IS INTERESTED, but he’s showing it in the way that men have shown it for thousands of years!

You’re not convinced. Well, believe me, if a man is not interested he will not speak more than is absolutely necessary, if that much. He will only be thinking about one thing: how much longer to I have to sit here and how can I get out of here asap.

So how do we resolve this paradox?
Ladies, take to heart what I’ve just told you and give the guy another chance. Eventually he will start trying to find out more about you. Hey, one more date won’t kill you.

Gentlemen, remember the (paraphrased) words of Dale Carnegie (How To Win Friends and Influence People): There is no sweeter sound than one’s own voice. The more you let your date talk, the more likely she will come home after the date and feel like the conversation was amazing. You’re chances of winning her over by asking her questions about herself and listening to her answers are much greater than if you try to impress her by talking about yourself all night.

Bottom Line: If you’re interested in seeing her again, make sure you ask her questions and give her at least 50% of the talking time. And don’t forget to listen.

If you’ve got dating and relationship question (who doesn’t?), you can ask them at Jcoach Answers and get them answered by the Jcoach and other experts. You can also answer other people’s questions…if you dare.

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