301-Dating Advice: Cyber-Impressions
Last week I wrote about the importance of first impressions. This week, as promised, I’d like to extend the discussion to the world of cyberspace, specifically: your online dating profile. Yes, I know how amazing it would be to simply meet a guy or gal in person, in a relaxed setting, and have everything effortlessly fall into place from there. It happens quite often in movies, sometimes in real life, and it might have even once happened to you, but let’s face reality together for a second. The chances of it happening to you in the immediate future are too uncertain to bet your future on, so you need to try something that will increase your odds of success.
The greatest thing to happen to soulmate searching since the invention of deodorant is cyberspace. You now can meet potential soulmates in any part of the world, regardless of the remoteness of your home base. You can also see their photos and get to know them a bit via email or chat, if you are so inclined (and are able to express yourself in the written form. If you’re not good at writing, just stick to the phone. Your writing disability can and will work against). How awesome is that! You are no longer confined to dating the guys on your block, or the gals in your area code. Cyber-dating is not limited to the dating sites you all relish. Facebook, Myspace, and other social networking sites I’m not up to speed on, are all tools specifically developed to connect with people. If you’re not taking advantage of them, you’re passing up a huge opportunity.
Now that your convinced and ready to play the cyber-dating card, you need to make absolutely certain that your cyber-impression represents you exactly the way you want it to. Your online profile and photos are the only thing that potential soulmates will have to go on when deciding whether to expend valuable time and resources in pursuit of you. They will make assumptions, presumptions, projections, and conjectures based on an amateur photo and a few hastily typed lines of text. You will do the same. It sounds pretty shallow and arbitrary, because it is, but it’s reality, so you might as well use it to your advantage and post the most amazing profile and photos imaginable, and reap the rewards.
Let’s talk online dating profile photos. This is the most important part of your cyper-identity, especially if you are a woman. Trust me on this one. Most men, and a great number of women, decide whether to make contact and pursue solely based on a photo. It’s your job to make sure your photo catches their interest and draws them into the pursuit. Ok, if you’re a professional model (male or female) or look like one, you don’t have much to worry about. Just snap the photo and be done with it. For the rest of the guys and gals out there, do not get discouraged. You have full control over the photo(s) you post, so you have the advantage. You don’t need to worry about some photographer following you around, snapping candid shots when you least expect it. You can stage your photo shoot exactly the way you like. If you’re not crazy about how you look from the neck down, just use a head shot. If you’re ready to go full length (or anything in between), go for it. It’s your choice. However, make sure you get rid of any photos you feel are not highlighting you at your very best. It doesn’t matter if it’s a shot of you at your best friends wedding. If it doesn’t meet your photo standards, take it down and save it for the day after your chuppah. Your friend will understand. Same goes for random Facebook photos. If someone else is posting photos that include you, make sure they meet your requirements, and if they don’t, ask your friends to take them down.
The only way you should appear in your online dating profile photo is with a smile on your face. Like I’ve written in previous posts, no one wants to be around a sourpuss. A smile radiates warmth, sincerity, self confidence, and happiness. It tells potential soulmates that they can expect an enjoyable, relaxed, and upbeat experience if they choose to date you. A non-smiling face screams NO FUN, STRESS, DRAMA, TENSION. Which face do you want to date? Obviously, there are different types and sizes of smiles, that each send a different message. A wide, toothy, beam will radiate differently than a subtle, mysterious grin. You choose the kind of smile that represents you best, but you must display some form of positive facial expression to get noticed.
The setting of your online dating profile photo can say a lot too. A fun one, like an amusement park, picnic, boat ride, or sporting event says, “I’m fun and active”. The beauty of nature as your background says, “I’m real, down to earth, and of course, appreciate the great outdoors.” What you wear also speaks volumes. Dressy, casual, sporty, hip, funky…it’s all good, as long as it’s sending the message you want to convey. If you’re really gutsy you can use the photo of you in your purim costume (as long as it’s attractive – no fruit or diapers). The first time I saw my wife’s photo, on a friend’s Facebook friend’s list, she was wearing an Indian sari, which succeeded in peaking my interest enough to contact her. No she didn’t wear the Sari on our first date, and yes, I was a bit disappointed (I’ve since gotten over it).
I think you’ve gotten my point about the importance of online dating profile photos. Now for the last point which I would rather avoid, but it’s too important, so here goes. What if you feel, for whatever reason, that displaying your photo will be detrimental to your chances of attracting potential soulmates in cyberspace? Don’t be so hasty in making that determination. Get a second opinion from someone who you trust will be totally (and brutally) objective. It’s totally fine, and probably smart, to seek the advice and opinion of a professional, someone who can be honest with you while helping you bring out and highlight your attractive features. If after doing your due diligence, you still feel uncomfortable about putting your photo up for all to see, then don’t. Many potential soulmates will ignore your photo-less profile and, in any case, you will eventually have to bite the bullet and send the photo, but there is one positive opportunity that can emerge. If, and only if, you are skilled in the written word and can create an incredibly engaging, interesting, and captivating written profile, you have a chance of attracting the attention of some of the more cerebral soulmate searchers out there. Let them rejoice in your exciting and intriguing personality, and deal with the photo when the time is right. Under no circumstances should you ever post a photo of someone else (and say it’s you) or a photo that is too old to truly represent how you actually look today.
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The greatest thing to happen to soulmate searching since the invention of deodorant – that’s a good one Arnie!
shabbat shalom